March 9, 2002Primetime Glick is a comedy parody of a talk show hosted by Martin Short who plays "Jiminey Glick".
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Glick Ok then, my next guest burst onto the scene in the 1974 film classic, Death Wish, in which he played punk #2 or was it punk #3? I always get those two roles mixed up. He's circus tall but carnival cute with a deadpan quality that can honesty wear thin after a while so I'm not 100% sure how this is going to go. But he's here, he's been booked and there's no use crying over spilled up milk. So get yourself a huge can of RAID because here comes the fly himself, Mr. Jeff Goldenbloom.
[Jeff walks out laughing and smiling]
Glick Come and sit.
Jeff Here I come.
Jeff We've so much to talk about.
Glick Oh my gosh, look at that [pans to band] inaudible because you're a musician yourself. Sit down Jeff Goldenbloom!
Jeff Here I go. [applause] Thank you.
Glick You're loved.
Jeff I love you. I love you. Now, it's just GOLD-BLOOM.
Jeff Yeah, you're saying Goldenbloom.
Glick Your name is Jeffery Lynn?
Jeff First dates are very nice. I like...I can enjoy dating. You're just getting to know someone...
Glick You ever take viagra?
Jeff [Jeff changes facial expression] No
Jeff You? [motions towards Glick a little]
Glick I took it about a half an hour ago
Jeff pulls hand back from Glick and laughs
Glick I take it for...I get drymouth and it helps
Jeff I don't...I don't want to say anything scandalous
Glick What are you saying?
Jeff Wasn't there something, I'm sure it wasn't
Glick I love when the conversation get back to me. [Glick grabs bowl with food]
Jeff Jeff laughs That's a nice...food combing. You don't mind the food combining?
Glick pretends to be cleaning himself like a cat
Jeff But, wasn't there...you and Star Jones? Was there anything there? What happened?
Glick Star Jones is a very complicated girl and she's very beautiful you know. People say "Oh I hate Star Jones. Star Jones scares me" Well sure, after you get to know her. But that first date, there's magic in that first date Jeff Goldenblum. Tell me about Ben Vareen.
Jeff I went to the hospital and they did everything and then they realized that I'd gotten asphyxiated almost from these fumes.
Glick And was there any permanent brain damage?
Jeff [smiles hilarious smile] Possibly, I don't know
Glick Oh, I hope not! Although I would have loved to have met the old Jeff. [Jeff laughs]
Jeff Although speaking of which. . .
Jeff Oh I was just going to bring up, I probably even shouldn't do this. My gra... [laughs] My great grandparents were first cousins.
Glick Oh! That explains it! The final last piece of info. Oh my goodness gracious, that's against the law in so many states.
Jeff Let's say I'm making it up.
Glick You're making it up?
Jeff I'm sure I am.
Glick You're being facetious That's what you do. You play with people's minds Jeff Goldenblum. You look at people and [makes movements and noises]. And it's made you millions of dollars. You're very cagey
Jeff I am cagey.
Glick And you're very good.
Jeff Thank you very much.
Glick This has been absolutely . . we've covered a Jurassic Park we didn't get to that. That must have been a big payday. Ka-ching, Ka-ching. Every time one those mechanical things nipped at your butt you made another million. I know how that works. And I loved you in Remember my Name as Mr. Newt.