The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn
March 31, 1999
(before Jeff comes on, Craig speaks about how Jeff is supposed to play piano for
them and how embarrassed he will be if Jeff cannot play well)
Craig Welcome back, my first guest has an impressive film resume that includes
such critical successes as "The Big Chill", "The Fly", and 'The Right Stuff" and
blockbusters such as "Jurassic Park" and "Independence Day". Please welcome the
beautiful and the talented Jeff Goldblum.|
(the song "superfly" plays as Jeff enters)
They love you, they love you, come on over here
Jeff Very nice
Craig What are you....What you think
Jeff (under applause) Do you really make contact with them...
Jeff Do you make contact with them, do you really kinda get to know them
(points at crowd)
Craig Some...uhh, as we get deeper into the show sometimes I will go and shake
hands during the breaks when Iím not looking out the window..when Iím not reflecting
Jeff Oh, (laughs) You know, Iím here to support you, promoting this
show I think...
Jeff Thatís very nice, thatís very nice..because..you know..you came from New
York and so is this crowd...I know this is like the second or third show..is this crowd
different from the New York crowd?|
Craig This is the sexiest audience Iíve ever seen
(audience cheers, Jeff nods)
Craig You know, just donít look over there (points to stage right)
Jeff Right, youíre looking more (waves to stage left) youíre looking
more over in here
Craig yeah right around..
Jeff around there
Craig By the way, what are you promoting, why are you here?
Craig Wait a second, so your telling me you donít have a movie or anything to
Craig Youíre just here
Jeff Because I..because I like you. I had a good time on the Daily show and I
like the idea of this show and Iím here
Craig Very beautiful...I think the word is magnanimous....magnanimous youíre
Jeff Like Buttafuccosí....thatís magnanimity, the wife..gees
Craig Wow, gees..yeah...why would she...but itís nice...weíre forgiving everyone
Craig I preach love, youíve heard me before
Craig Can I ask you something before we go on?
Jeff yes (smiles)
Craig Because Iím new to LA, can I ask you something
Jeff Please! When you did get here?
Craig Well, we donít have to go into that...we donít have to go into the details of
where I live and when I go home..
Jeff Well, I wasnít going to get into that
Craig I got here in December right before Christmas
Jeff December, right right right...had you spent much time down here before
Craig I lived on Venice and I used to play basketball down in Venice and argue
with the guys and dunk on people...
(audience laughs, Jeff smiles)
Jeff thatís impressive
Craig Well, hereís the thing, I donít play ball but I want to stay in shape, should
I...Iím I supposed to get a personal trainer? Is that the in thing to do in LA?
Craig a personal trainer?
Jeff Well, you shouldnít bother yourself with what the in thing to do is, certainly
... right....you should do what you feel like doing. I mean, youíve worked out before
right? Are you interested in working out?|
Craig Well I wanna know if I should get a personal trainer because I actually
like taking a class because I like being around people...you know, Iím a people
Jeff as am I
Craig and I wanna know....should I do Tae Bo (audience laughs) what about the
Jeff I donít know. Should we go through it? Tae Bo..I donít know..I see the
thing..I donít know...It looks ok...Iím very happy with my regime, I have a trainer in
Jeff yes sir
Jeff Rapheal (audience laughs at the name, Jeff smiles) is very
Craig now Iím leaning...Iím leaning towards getting a personal trainer
Jeff are you?...are you?
Craig Well, if you have one I think thatís the right thing...
Jeff Itís....Thank you....I think heís very good and Iíd be happy to introduce you
Jeff Yes, Rapheal at Body Gym and we can work together
Craig Well, with a personal trainer, itís kind of one on one, if we were taking a
class then we could work out together.
Jeff Yeah, yeah we wouldnít be working out together anyway. I mean, itís a
little gym and weíd be there...
Craig I have another question and itís a little embarrassing...I was going to ask
you before the show, but Iíll ask you know (writes question on paper), itís a little
weird... (audience laughs, Jeff looks confused) Iím sorry.....I wanted to do
this..but itís on my mind..|
Jeff All right
(hands paper to Jeff, Jeff reads it and gives Craig weird look)
Jeff Should I write...should I write on this?
Craig Yeah, you canít answer that out loud
Jeff Ummmm (Jeff smiles and makes waving explaining motions while
thinking about the answer)
I wanna know about shaving because I donít always shave. I shave once every two
Craig Itís a simple yes or no, come on...
(Jeff smiles and hands Craig the paper)
Craig Wow, that very nice of you....Iím surprised
Jeff Really? (laughs)
Craig Now let me ask you this
Jeff yes sir
Craig lets say weíre talking about hair on your face now
Jeff Yeah (strokes beard) you say that as if we were talking about hair on
Craig I donít know...I donít know......
Jeff yes I see now is the off day for you
Jeff I like that...I like...I shave...you really wanna know? It hurts me if I shave
every day. I like if I can to shave once every five days...I love to shave when itís like
Craig Do you enjoy the shaving process
Jeff if Iíve let five days go by, yes I really..yes I like it..I feel very manly and I
Craig Someone was telling me that you went to get a shave over in London in is
it called Trumpers?
Jeff Yes, listen to this, I was in London years ago and Iíve always liked
shaving..how can I get the best shave..duhduhdud...you know one is interested if you
shave. And in London Iíve always seen those places..the barber shops where they shave
Craig This is the thing where they foam you up and you set back
Jeff Yeah...You see in the movies..you know, you see it in the Godfather..and
you think oh boy I want the best shave....at least once in my life let me see about my
getting the best shave possible. So I went to this place and it was a big picturesque kind
Craig This is the royal...Prince Charles gets shaved there..Queen Elizabeth gets
shaved (crowd laughs)
Jeff (Jeff make scissors motion to his hair) do you mean cut the
Jeff Bikini wax I think they also do that, but they get, you know, there was this
old guy there who gave me a shave, but to make a long story short he shaved me and it
was not that good. I decided that I probably do the best job myself it was..he gave me
nicks and he didnít get as close as I could have...when youíve shaved for years and years
and years you know which things grow which way...|
Craig You know your face Jeff better than other people know your face
Jeff thatís what Iím trying to say
Craig is that right
Jeff exactly (laughs)
Craig Now this is the British place, do they give you the British cuts....like do
they give you the Tom Jones cut?
Craig Yeah did they cut your hair?
Jeff I was not in the market for a haircut but maybe...I saw Englebert
Craig you watched the show last night
Jeff yes, I watched the show
Craig we call him Enge
Craig Heís part of the support group like you...you know what were going to do
when we come back? Weíre going to play five questions and then youíre going to play
(Jeff smiles and nods drinking his water)
Craig Once again, Jeff Goldblum
You were enjoying the set....you were commenting on the set...this is not a set. This is the
Jeff This is your house.this is your house?
Craig ummhmmm, my home in the hills
Jeff itís very nice..first of I was commenting..itís very masculine, the most
masculine set of any talk show, donít you think so?
Craig Is that a good thing?
Jeff Yes, I think itís a very good thing, I love this..I love these chairs
Craig Is it comfortable?
Jeff Yes itís very comfortable
Craig Doesnít feel like youíre setting on a golf ball does it?
Jeff Ahh, I saw last night..no prostate trouble here (reference to a joke Craig
did in the previous show about prostates) I would get rid of...(plays with
cushion)....this, this goes with the thing.. but I see itís velcored on..Iím taller, I get
Craig Your a tall..6í4, 6í5, 6í6 angular
Jeff As are you...what are you?
What youíd say? Did you say Ann...
Jeff Oh, I thought you said Ann Miller (smiles) A 6í4 Ann Miller
Craig No, but you do dance, we saw that earlier in rehearsal
Jeff thank you very much, I like to tap dance
Craig In fact, youíre going to dance for us..no, no youíre going to play piano for
hereís the thing, Iíve been nervous as far as "can he play" weíve been promoting you for
months "Goldblum is going to play piano. Are you playing a joke on us, can you actually
play the piano? Tell me about your background.
(Jeff looks humbled)
Jeff I can play, but itís a hobby for me. When I was kid growing up in
Pittsburgh I took lessons, I discovered Jazz...
Craig When did you start?
Jeff Oh you know, when did I start, like 5th grade or so. My parents gave us all
piano lessons. I had a facility for it at first but then ugh, my other brothers dropped out
and I didnít like to go to the lessons for it, and I wouldnít like to play, but I could do it
early on...but when I first heard jazzy things..they gave me sheet music to like ally cat or
something (humms ally cat) I went ohhhh, this is great and I learned the thing and thatís
when I really sat down
Jeff No, they look very stable
Craig So you like jazz?|
Jeff Yeah, and I kept a piano in my house ever since.
Craig Did you actually play in coffee houses or bars
Jeff When I was in Pittsburgh, listen to this, I got the idea in my head around 15
years old to get a job, I was very independent, itís was an independent streak in me..
Craig itís good to get a job..I tell the audience that they should probably at some
point, come back to show from time to time, but get a job...
Jeff they donít...what are they doing now?
Craig They donít thatís the audience I reach
Jeff (looks at his watch) oh no, but itís already...
Craig the unemployed..
Craig OK, so what song are you going to play for us?
Jeff Iím going to play a little thing that I wrote...if you like
Craig You wrote this?
Jeff I wrote it with a friend of mine, Peter Harris...
Craig There you go, Jeff Goldblum, good luck...
(Jeff goes to piano, Plays a special Kilborn version of Born Freeky)
"Craig Kilborn was Born Freaky|
Heís he shiek of arabiky,
Heís a super freak,
Heís super freeeeeky
Heís been passed the torch and I donít mean tiki
So that maybe you freaks can be reborn freeky
Craig I like that, I like that...I didnít know it was about me
Craig Hereís the thing, so you had help writing that? Somebody wrote that with
you? Just take credit for it!
Jeff Well, I wrote the lyrics, Peter Harris wrote the music...
Craig Oh, ok, itís time for five questions. This is masculine, weíre setting next
to each other on the piano bench....uhhh, geography, name two of the three rivers that
meet at Three Rivers Stadium in Pittsburgh
Craig That is correct, thatís one
Jeff and the Alageta
Craig that is correct
Jeff The answers arenít on that sheet are they?
Craig Au is the chemical symbol for what element?
Craig That is correct
Chips and salsa or cheese and cracker?
Jeff Oh baby...(thinks)...chips and salsa? (crowd cheers, Craig stays
silent) also cheese and crackers is very good.
Craig OK, you know what. This is a true story, I could not decide so I said they
were even and I think you just said they were even, so itís correct.
This 1972 blaxploitation film featured a soundtrack by Curtis Mayfeild..this a tough
Jeff No...it could be, is it Shaft?
Craig No, weíre going to have accept that as your incorrect. This was a tough
one. It was Superfly.
Jeff Superfly....(audience boos) theyíre on my side... I should have known that.
Craig and finally, this a tough one, number five, "take five"
Jeff If this is a music one, is it a music one? (turns around to piano and plays
take five while scatting)
Craig That is correct. You got four out of five|
Jeff Thatís not bad
Craig now, I donít sing but I make a joyful noise, lets just try and sing
(Jeff plays and Craig sings them out to commercial they are still singing when the
commercial comes back, Craig leaves and tells Jeff he can go now, Jeff leaves).
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